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[FANFIC] To Insanity and Back

 title; to Insanity and back
author: Twiglet71
genre: angst
length: chaptered
pairing: Yunho/ jaejoong
rating: pg13
Summery: Jae just can't suffer another heart break in his life. little does he know that heart break is going to be the least of his problems.

A/N This fic will contain a rape scene. This fic will not focus too much on the attack but on the aftermath of such an act. Most of my fics have a bit of my own experience in them so I try to make them as realistic as possible. This fic, although angsty, is about overcoming adversity and rising from the ashes of despair.

Chapter 1
He stared along the bar hoping he wouldn’t look up.
“OMG – He’s looking over here” Jae mumbled into his drink, his heart beating rapidly as he noticed the incredibly good looking man stare over at him. He looked away quickly and scanned the dance floor for his friends. Min and Dong Wook were dancing slowly and intimately oblivious to everyone around them.
“Can I get you a drink?” the man took his shades off and gave Jae an intense look.
Jae stared up into the deepest brown eyes he’d ever seen. Jae caught his breath but managed to hold the man’s stare.
“No thank you. I’m not here looking to be picked up.” Jae looked away with a sneer.
“Oh I’m sorry if it came across………” The man didn’t have time to finish his sentence as Jae cut in rudely.
“I’d like to be left alone please.”
“Ok. I apologise” The man replaced his shades and backed away.
‘Who wears a beanie and shades in a night club anyway’ Jae thought as he watched the other walk away “pretentious idiot’ was his last thought as Yoochun walked up to him and placed another Lemon Soju in front of him.
“I see you met Yunho then” Chun grinned his usual wide friendly smile.
“Yunho?” Jae looked up.
“Yeah, Dong Wook’s old friend, the one who agreed to help with the charity event?” Yoochun pointed at the retreating man.
“Oh shit! I was just rude to him!” Jae grimaced. Chun laughed loud and long.
“Don’t laugh! Dong Wook’s going to kill me” His eyes travelled to the dance floor where Min and Dong Wook were still totally absorbed in one another. Jae smiled to himself when he thought back to a year ago. That would’ve been him and Dong Wook dancing. Ok, it was never true love, not like Min and Dong Wook shared, but it was comfortable. When Min contacted him to say he was moving to the area he was overjoyed to be spending more time with his childhood best friend but when he came to work at the bar it was clear that there was a connection between the young man and the owner. Jae decided to step back gracefully and let what was meant to be, be. He didn’t regret his action because it enabled the two men, who were so clearly soul mates, be together. It also enabled him to retain a close friendship with both men. Along with Chun and Su they were his best friends – his family.
His thoughts were interrupted as the music changed to an upbeat tempo and the two lovers walked towards him, hand in hand, smiling.
“Hey Jae. Come with us to meet Yunho” Min’s cheery voice ordered him as the young man grabbed his arm. Jae followed the two men to a secluded VIP area of the club and approached the table where YooSu were already seated. They were deep in conversation with the man he’d brushed off earlier. The man had removed his shades and beanie and Jae now recognised him as the actor and singer who was Dong Wook’s old school friend. ‘Why didn’t I remember he was coming tonight’ Jae could have kicked himself for not recognising the man who had so generously agreed to give up his time to help the Charity event Dong Wook was hosting at his club.

“Yunho this is Jae. He’s a trusted friend who is also helping with the event” Dong Wook pushed Jae towards the bemused singer.
“We’ve already met” Yunho stood and bowed. Jae bowed respectfully and sat next to the man. He avoided his gaze, his embarrassment rendering him mute as he listened to his friends discuss the final details of the Charity night. He sipped his Lemon Soju and listened to the other talk, not really taking an awful lot of notice of their conversation. The others began to rise from their seats and he notice Yunho put on his hat and shades.
“Come on Jae, we’re going to dance before we go home..” Junsu grabbed his arm and began to drag him to the dance floor.
“No – you go on, I’ll stay here.” Jae tried to pull away but his friend wouldn’t let go. He found himself on the dance floor surrounded by his laughing friends. He looked up to see the smiling Yunho in front of him. He watched as Yunho danced towards him. They were toe to toe and the other man was moving his hips to the rhythm of the music. Chun came up behind Jae and started to gyrate against his back, turning him into the ‘meat’ in a Chun and Yunho sandwich. He could feel Yunho’s body against his and his breath on his neck. The singer’s hands suddenly appeared on his hips and he felt heady as the beautiful man’s body moved against his. He could hear Chun laughing behind him and turned his head to see Su sandwiched between Min and Dong Wook. Their dance was comical whereas the dance he was engaged in felt sexy, sensual. Soon the music ended and Chun kissed his cheek before he made his way over to his giggling boyfriend. Yunho’s hands stayed on his hips and the older man leant forward.
“Thank you Jae.” His voice was husky and deep and Jae felt a shiver run up his spine. He suddenly came back to his senses and stepped back.
“Hmm…Yeah, thanks.” He turned towards his friends, his face burning and his breath shallow, and followed them out of the club. Once outside they decided they needed to eat. Yunho joined them.
“Hey I’ve invited a few people back to my place, you are coming aren’t you?” The others all readily agreed. Jae said nothing.
“Come on jae. Share a cab with me and Chunnie.” Sue took his hand.
“I’m going home. It’s been a long day.” As if to prove his point Jae yawned.
“No way Jae, come on , it’ll be fun!”
“Yeah come on Jae.”
Jae felt all eyes on him, silently conveying the message that he wasn’t going home early tonight. He ended up sharing a cab wit Yoosu and Yunho while the others piled in others parked behind them. |He remained silent during the journey listening to the others enthusing about the upcoming charity concert. The concert was to raise funds for AIDS charities and his role that night was to be a general helper. He resisted pleas to become a performer although he agreed to be in the ‘boy toy’ auction as long as one of his friends bought him.
They were the first to arrive at Yunho’s penthouse apartment and their host went straight to the phone and ordered food. Their jackets were taken and they were offered drinks. The others started to arrive and son the apartment was half full of people who were all connected to the club and charity event in one way or another. Jae was relieved there were a lot of people about as it gave him the chance to distance himself from the host. He retrieved his jacket from its resting place and went out to sit on the balcony. He ensconced himself in a comfortable seat in the corner so he could look at the night sky. He also had a chance to think about his confused feelings for the older singer and actor he had just met. He felt something he didn’t want to feel. While they were dancing he felt his heart flutter and when their eyes met he all but melted. After breaking up with Dong wook he didn’t want to get involved with anyone else. Even though he wasn’t in love with Dong Wook the rejection he suffered shook his confidence. He held no resentment towards his friends but loved them dearly. The negative feelings were towards himself, he felt unworthy and inferior after being passed over for Min. He never wanted to feel ‘Not good enough’ ever again. That’s why he had to distance himself form Yunho. He heared the balcoiny door openand a brief scraping of chairs on the floor.
“So my friend whats wrong?”
It’s Jaejoong. I can’t quite explain it and I know I’ve only just met him, but there’s something about him that draws me to him.” Jae felt bad eavesdropping on Yunho and Dong wooks confersation.
“Ah – our Jae got to you.” His friend laughed.
“You could say that. I find myself wanting to be near him….Oh I don’t know….I’ve never felt this way before. It’s a bit disconcerting!”
“Sounds like how I felt when I first met Min.Of course I was in a relationship with Jae at the time so it was a bit difficult.” Dong Wok sighed.
“Yeah, how did that work. You are still such good friends?”
“Kim Jaejoong has to be one of the most loving, unselfish people I know. We weren’t in love and when he realized there was something unspoken between Min and I he ended our relationship. He said he wouldn’t stand in our way. I owe him so much, he really is a special person, so don’t play with him Yunho, don’t hurt him.” There was a gentle but threatening warning in Dong Wook’s voice.
“Dong Wook – I have plenty of people I can ‘play with’. I’ve never felt this way before. Relationships, I can take them or leave them. I’ve always preferred to work but there’s something about him that makes me want to be near him. Damn! I just can’t explain it.”
“Hmmm…do you believe in love at first sight?”
Yunho laughed at his friend’s question.
“Don’t laugh my friend. I think it’s just happened to you!”
Both men went back inside in search of another drink. Jae was stunned. He needed to get out of there, he needed time to think. He finished his drink and went back inside. He looked around and couldn’t see Yunho and everyone else was occupied. Taking his chance he made his way to the front door. As he opened it he heard Yunho behind him.
“Are you going already Jae?”
“Yes. I’m tired. Thank you for your hospitality Yunho.” He tried being as formal as he could.
“You sure you won’t stay longer” Yunho put his hands on Jae’s arms. Jae looked down at the other mans hands and Yunho quickly removed them, looking sheepish.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable…..”
“It’s ok. I just…….” Jae looked down at the floor.
“You’re not interested.” Yunho stated bluntly.
“No…..yes….I mean……” Jae was becoming flustered. His head was saying one thing but his heart was saying something completely different.
“It’s ok Jae. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.” Yunho was also looking down towards the floor and as both men raised their heads their eyes met and they held each other’s gaze. Jae felt his heart thump. He couldn’t look away. Yunho leant forward and kissed his cheek gently. Jae backed away fighting the feelings he didn’t want to feel.
“Yunho I can’t…I’m sorry. It’s too hard.” Jae felt his voice choke in his throat..
“Why is it hard Jae?” Yunho’s eyes searched his, looking for an answer.
“After Dong Wook I don’t want to get involved with anyone and I’m not into one night stands.”
“I’m not looking for a one night stand. I really wouldn’t use you like that. I didn’t realize you were so hurt over Dong Wook and Min. I don’t think they know either.” The singer sounded concerned.
“No I’m not. I’m happy for them, really I am. It’s just getting rejected hurts, it hurt my ego I suppose. I just don’t want to ever be not good enough again.” Jae sighed.
“You were good enough. It’s just that when soul mates meet nothing can stand in their way. Please don’t think that about yourself. You just haven’t met the right person yet.
“And I don’t want to” Jae walked away. “See you later Yunho.” Jae walked out of the front door and didn’t look back.

When Jae arrived home he went straight to bed. He curled up under his duvet, sobbing gently. Why did he feel this way? He didn’t want to feel this way. He was scared of getting hurt and Yunho was a famous person. He was a singer and he was an accomplished actor. No way would someone like him want to settle down with a normal person. Jae was a substitute teacher and even though he was proud of that fact he knew that his profession wasn’t one that mixed easily with the glamour of show business. He heard from the others that Yunho had come back home with the intention of staying. He would be seeing a lot more of him in the next few weeks because of the concert and as he was friends with Dong Wook the chances were he’d see him for a lot longer.
He’d keep his distance from the man. There was no way he wanted to get hurt again.

The lovers had just arrived home from the gathering at their friends.
“I had a strange conversation with Yunho tonight.”
“Oh yeah. What about?”
“About Jae.”
Min stopped what he was doing in the bathroom and walked into the bedroom with his tooth brush in his hand.
“What about Jae?” Min stared at his lover waiting for an answer.
“Nothing bad but Yunho’s got it bad for our boy!” Dong Wook grinned.
“How do you feel about that? How would you feel if they got together? Jae hasn’t been with anyone since you.” His lover sighed at that question.
“Min, I just want Jae to be happy. After what we did to him that’s the least I could wish for him. I love Yunho but he’s Mr. non – commitment. Work always comes first with him and I don’t want Jae to get hurt.”
“Maybe this is different. Perhaps Yunho really has feelings for him. Let’s go to bed hun.”
As they lay there in the dark Dong Wook turned to Min. “Let’s go and see Jae in the morning.”


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 20th, 2011 04:58 am (UTC)
I really love this fic started with just the right dose of angst. May I ask if the rape scene will be graphical? Cause I've promised myself to stop reading fics that is that torture or rape element especially if the victim is Jaejoong.

Firstly, I am too chicken-hearted for these kind of fic and secondly, I've read one too many of fic where Jae was tortured or raped. I decided to read and comment cause you said this fic will not focus too much on the attack but on the aftermath of such an act. I think it's important that people should learn to understand the victim's feeling so as to know how to help this victim walk out of his/her own fear/painful experience/nightmare together.

You said you usually write based on experience. I hope this did not happen to you though.
Apr. 20th, 2011 12:35 pm (UTC)
HI. I personally don't think the rape is too graphic, but that's always a matter of opinion. I tried to focus more on the feelings during the rape and not go into sexual details. It's not about sex it's about one human subjugating another. the fic itself is more about a blossoming relationship being put under strain by this terrible event and how the relationship survives it. I agree with you about rape and torture fics, if the rape and torture is the main element of the fic I don't read it. if it's more like Wild_Terrain's wonderful Echo of dusk then there is a point to it. I love her fics by the way, I think she is a genius! i also agree with you about poor old Jae always being the victim. When i started writing this story about 4 years ago it was a het fic with unknown characters. I tried to then re write it as a Min7en but I'm afraid It just screamed jae and Yunho at me. It might seem as though Jae will be the weak victim but he will end up being the strong one.
I'm afraid it is based on my own experience. Not in exactly the same circumstances but the feelings and behaviour afterwards were very much my own.You are right though it is important that significant others understand the victims feelings and what psychological effect such an attack can have.
I'm a bit older than you so I've had many life experiences, some that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I deal with these by writing them down. it was Mu Scotty's idea to turn my experiences into fics. On my journal everyone of my fics have a little bit of me in them to some extent. An author I met once said to me "If you feel the urge to write but don't know what about, write about what you know or your own experiences." Thanks for giving it a go hun. I'll post a warning when that scene appears and you can skip it if you want. thanks for always commenting hun. It's appreciated xxxx
May. 5th, 2011 03:18 am (UTC)
Hi. Reading this. Curious how it'd end.
Love come when we least expect it. It's true, Jae :p
Jul. 6th, 2011 06:04 pm (UTC)
HALLO! I HAVE ARRIVED! lol finally :P
anywyas i had a giggle at some of the words u used cos its just so 'you' babes but its cool.
im not sure if im a beliver in al lthis love at first site so i thought it was a tad far fetched and a lil quick.

however i loved it, i agree with chloe its got a good mix in here. i don't really knwo what else to say except i liked it babes your writig is good and realistic :) x
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )